Levi Brinkkoeter - Programmer

Its all about your attitude, and lately my attitude has been dragging me down. It took a friend to open my eyes and try to make a change in my daily disposition. I am such a slacker and loner in my natural state but that only leads to the same boring life day after day. Time to start living it up, doing something that makes me happy even if I may feel foolish at times. Im sure everyone goes through it I have just been putting it off trying to avoid it. Im tired of it, life is passing me by and I wave it on. Time for a change, any little personal victory will help my overall emotional state, but sticking to my plan is the tricky part.  It is so easy to fall into old habits, never taking that leap but it will get me nowhere. I guess I have been thinking without money to do things I cant have fun. I have plenty I can do without spending a dime, spending time with my dogs is the most important and most negelected at this point. I have three dogs yet hardly take them out, and bad things happen when my dogs are left to their own devices. I need to be the pack leader for my pack and for myself, hopefully it will overflow into other areas of my life. I love my dogs and they are so good to put up with my slacking ownership methods thus far, I cant afford to brush them off. Back in Texas we would take long bike rides and all loved it, here in Florida I dont feel as safe taking them on a bike, but rollerblades are in our future. I just need to find a pair to fit my size 15 foot and learn how to rollerblade so im confident enough to take them with me. My lab, Lola has been with me since the beginning, about 6 years now and I can tell she misses our long rides wearing her out. We used to go about a mile or two with her doing most of the work, then head home and jump in the pool to cool off. No more pool but she still needs the exercise. Time for me to get up, get out and get something.

Although its hard to get over a recent death, you must. It will always carry a heavy toll on my soul, losing a friend so early in life, but I cannot live in the shadow of death. Life is crazy, always something you never expect coming out of the woodwork at you. My experience so far has taught me that. I have been very fortunate that I have not really had to deal with death that much. I have lost a grandfather, a great grandmother,an uncle and a friend. Each time it has given me a realization inspired by such tragic events. Each was different but meaningful, and they might not have happened had I not reflected on life itself because someone I loved lost theirs. Life goes on, I must push forward and live my life to the fullest.

I am getting back into coding closer to what I went to school for, its not game design but its at a level i can tolerate more. I am privileged to work at a company where my co-workers are an extended family to me. I didn’t realize it until recently when in my time of need they stepped up for me. To take such things for granted and to have gone this long without realizing it is terrible. I must change my ways be more outgoing as my friend was. Its hard and everyday is a battle with my innerself  not to be the introverted hermit I am accustomed to. If there is any place I can do it, its here. I am feeling very blessed to by in such a place and its through all the actions Ive taken and all the situations that have came up. You don’t always see things as they are, i become jaded and fall into a slump all to easily. It takes something extreme, good or bad to show you the path in which you may travel. To travel that path is all up to yourself, your dedication, your commitment and your attitude. My path lays before me, I must push on to see it end where i want it to.

I lost a very good friend recently, and as per usual when you lose someone, death sparks that feeling inside of all of us making life hard to handle. Losing someone near you leave you with a pain that you feel you will never get over… but at the same time awakens that part of you that has become numb to the thought of death. I would go through everyday hearing stories of people dying and because I didn’t know them it doesn’t affect my mood. Then someone you know leaves us and suddenly death is sobering, death is real, life is a gift I tend to take for granted. I compare it to the feeling I had as a kid, everything was new and exciting, just the wonder of everything and you don’t care about what people think, or even about tomorrow. You get caught up in it all but as time goes on and you get older you take your place in society as an adult and dont think about things in the same way. Death often rewakens this feeling in me, when you can no longer see one of your best friends you tend to appreciate the friends you do have. It is a bittersweet situation, good does come of it but because of your loss it hurts. I have very mixed feelings about it, on one hand their death has given appreciation for life but it is only because of death that I feel alive. The best I can do is to honor their memory and take the qualities they used to improve me life and make them my own. In the case of my friend, Ben Rice, he had an energy and was one of the most outgoing people I have ever met. I want to incorporate that into my life, i am not outgoing and tend to end up kicking myself later because of it. He always inspired it in me, but he can no longer do me that favor, it is up to me and my dedication to his memory to improve myself. If you knew him as I did please keep his memory alive, not for me, not for him, for yourself.  I was unaware is was such an avid fisherman, he had mentioned he went to Rockport, Texas at the drop of a hat, I guess I just didn’t connect the dots. He told me Tin Can Reef was one of his spots to hit up, it was also a spot i had seperate family memories at, now it holds even more significance and will always remain a sacred site from now on. This is my dedication to Ben, I know not how else to express myself, so I put my thoughts into writing. To all those who have lost someone dear to them, find a way to honor the departed as well as yourselves.

Life right now is a little hectic, I just finished moving and getting situated in a new place, but I am going to try to keep this blog active. As it is I am just keeping my nose to the grindstone, trying to crank out what projects I have pending to go into learning mode for asp.net. As it stands my computer at home isn’t up to snuff to do what I need for asp.net, hopefully in the near future I will get a machine with a better operating system and that will perform better. Aside from that I have some of the basic of everyday life to nail down, mainly managing the day to day, getting used to my new schedule and routine while trying to squeeze everything I need to get done in while still trying to have some time to relax. Right now I need to get my cooking skills up to par so hopefully I can recreate some of my favorite dishes from back home in Texas. My favorite breakfast by far is breakfast tacos, made with homemade tortillas, eggs and bacon. I have yet to find any places that use homemade tortillas,  the processed tortillas just put me off after being spoiled with homemade as the standard. In my hometown of New Braunfels, Texas only the big chains like McDonald’s, Burger King and whatnot were the only ones using processed tortillas. Because we were about 30 minutes away from San Antonio, I got spoiled on good mexican food or tex-mex as it was often referred to. The barbecue was another love of mine, Granzin’s was my favorite spot to hit up for some good eats. Drive through and leave with a sausage sandwich and a sliced beef taco and a sweet tea was a convenience I wish I still had. Not to mention their meat market that I loved to get fresh meat, sausage and some jerky. There are more spots which I may update in a later post all my favorite restaurants in the area back home. Someday I will make the move back to Texas and enjoy all my favorites again.